I Truly Hate You

I hate you, you know that.  I hate how you make me feel.  I know I've given birth 4 times.  I know my body has changed a bunch because of those births and time and gravity.  I know that I'm 40.  But I don't feel 40, I forget that I'm not 18 anymore, or even 21. 

You used to make me feel beautiful.  You would bring out the best in me, and now you throw my shortcomings in my face.  Couldn't you be a little nicer?  It's not fair that you haven't changed at all, you look exactly the same after 20 years. 

Now granted, you have spent a lot of time in my drawer because I was too overweight to wear you, but I really would like to look the same as I did 20 years ago when I wore you for the first time.  I would like to have my pre-baby body back when everything was tight and in the right place.  I have decided I don't like old, lumpy, and frumpy.

I will wear you before the summer is out.  Maybe not in front of anyone, but even if it's in the backyard for only 30 minutes, I will wear you.  You fit now, but just not well enough.  So, I will keep working to get closer to my 20 year old body.  No fear, no worries, no hate.  Just me...

Celebrating Life!
~ashley