Sticks & Stones and Hurtful Things

Have you ever been wounded by words?  The times I have I noticed there is a deep physical pain that goes along with them.  To me it's like someone is squeezing your heart so much it hurts.  The worse the betrayal, the harder the squeeze.  The harder the squeeze, the more the heart hardens.  Unfortunately, tears don't loosen the squeeze.  If anything, they make it more apparent.  The hurt is multiplied when a loved one or very close friend is the one that utters (or writes) the words.

The three times I can think of hearing (or seeing) hurtful things have been by accident.  I don't know if the people who said them didn't think I would find out, or if they just didn't care, but I can tell you each time it has made me feel like I've been shattered into a thousand pieces.  I know I am opinionated.  I know I am bossy and like things a certain way.  I know I may seem tough and calloused, but inside I'm really not.

If you could see inside me, you might see someone who is insecure.  Someone who sometimes thinks she has to earn friends.  Someone who looks in the mirror & wishes she saw who she was 25 years ago, because she doesn't like what she sees now.  Someone who, despite holding a college degree, feels useless and stupid, and when she tells people she is a stay-at-home mom, knows that she has been relegated to a second class citizen.  Someone who knows people don't want to hear about her kids or the latest project she's involved with, because in their world, it's unimportant.

Am I affected by your words?  I am.  I know in my head I shouldn't be, but that's not what my heart tells me.  My heart feels each word tighten it's grip a little more.  Hardening my heart a little more.  Making me feel like I will never be good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.

For every hurtful thing said about you, it takes at least 10 positives to make up for it.  Even then, there are some hurtful things that just don't go away.  When you say some things, they can not be unsaid.  

Have you wondered why teenagers are feeling bullied so much more now?  They are bullied with words over every multimedia site out there.  Most kids, and apparently adults too, don't think about what they are posting on different sites.  And even though you think those words go away, they don't.  There is a record of them.  That's what hurts the most, when you see it in writing, knowing others have read it as well.  Hurtful things.  Hurtful things.  Hurtful things.

Consider this posting like a friendly public service announcement.  I think Lao Tzu, and then Margaret Thatcher said it best:  “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

~ashley