No, I Didn't Cry...Until Today

Hop receiving his diploma
Last night Hop graduated from high school.  No, I didn't cry.  I was very proud of myself.  I was so excited for him.  I remembered when it was my turn to walk across the stage to receive my diploma, and how excited I was.  I focused on his excitement.  I thought about how hard he has worked to get to this point.  How could I cry?

Hop with GiGi & Pop
Then there was today.  Yep today.  Hop is leaving Saturday to go to DC for a summer internship.  I wrote about it; I know you're shocked.  I was fine as long as I stayed focused on him graduating, but when I thought about my little chick flying the nest, I started crying.

Hop & David
We are up in his room.  I'm helping him go through some last minute packing and asked him if he packed his favorite hat.  (Tahara, it's the distressed Rebels hat.  :)  I think of you every time he wears it.)  I couldn't finish the sentence, and I couldn't hold it in.  The tears came.  He's excited, I'm heartbroken.  Not the bad heartbroken, just the one that has realized that my child doesn't need me like he did.

He'll be making his own way.  Going to the grocery store, doing his laundry, cleaning his dorm room (I hope), succeeding, and failing; all on his own.  He won't need his mom like he did.  Our home will be a place he visits.  His home will be where ever he hangs his hat.  I know the feeling.  I had it the day I left my parent's home.  I didn't look back.  I never realized that my excitement may have been my parent's bittersweet goodbye.  I wouldn't have understood the tears.  But, now there is today.

All the little chicks
So, I cry because my baby is grown up.  I cry at how quickly 18 years passes.  I cry because I have to release him.  I cry because I feel like part of my heart is gone from this house.  I cry because I miss him terribly...already.  Today starts a new chapter in our family.  One of our members will not be coming home every night; he will not eat at our island; his buddies will not be walk in and make themselves at home.  I cry for my loss.

The graduating class of 2013
Oh how I will miss him.  How I will miss his friends.  So Hop, come home when you can so I can lay my eyeballs on your face.  I love you more than you will ever know.  To the rest of the class of 2013, know our door is always open, and I would love to see your faces too!  

Celebrating Life & little chicks spreading their wings to soar!
~ashley





Hop with his first best friend, Will.

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