A Year in the Life

Harry (22), Elizabeth (18), Hopson (24) & Henry (16) Christmas season is so wonderful because everyone comes home.  It's also great because once Christmas is over they leave.  But not this year.  I was just getting into the habit of cooking for 3.  It's a big difference cooking for 3 instead of 6.  Henry was loving being an only child.  Like really loving it.  He had the entire upstairs to himself.  He could spread out all his stuff & be king.  Last year he moved into Harry's old room & since it wasn't everything he wanted he then moved into Hop's room.  In September Hop asked if he could move home for a time.  His lease was up on his apartment & he wanted to take his time finding a new place to live.  We said ok as long as he didn't expect to live at home forever. At about the same time Harry told us he had a Co-Op with a building company in Birmingham.  Obviously, we wanted him to live at home....

Each day I check my online news feed.  Each day I see some things that disturb me to no end.  Can I say there are some very bad people out there who are maiming and killing their children in the most horrendous ways?  I don't know if the parents are mentally ill or just tired of their kids, but reading these stories day after day is breaking my mommy's heart. I know there are some out there who have children because they want someone to love them.  I've heard someone say this before, so I'm not making it up.  Anyone who has children knows that your kids do show you love, but they also can be very irritating, a pain in the booty,  difficult.  Ask a mother of a toddler, or a child you are teaching to read, or a teenager.  Yeah, the struggle is real.  What I'm really wondering is, how do these parents think hurting or killing their children was an option when they became frustrated or tired of parenting.  With 4 kids, I've been there, b...

The happiest days are the days when babies come!    ~Melanie from Gone With the Wind Today is a happy day...well it really started yesterday.  Yesterday my parent's 7th grandchild was born.  My younger brother, Cotton, had his third child.  He's now in the big time.  It's interesting when you go from man on man to zone coverage.  You parents of 3+ kids know.  If there is silence, something bad is going down.  But I know that the happiest of days are the ones when babies are born. I was scrolling through my sister-in-laws pictures and loved seeing all of the ones of their older two with the new baby.  It made me think back to when all of my chicks were little.  I was fine until I saw one picture.  It is a picture that broke my heart.  I'm going to admit my selfishness upfront, right now.  It was a pic of her mom with the new baby.  I realized that it is a picture my mom and dad will never have.  An...

I recently had to talk to a child at school about her safety.  She was afraid that something bad would happen to her if someone dangerous broke into the school.  As we talked, I started really stewing about what she was telling me.  Here are my thoughts about stopping school violence.  I don't have the answer, but I know what my responsibility is as a parent. 1.  I have to teach my children to, first and foremost, be kind.  Especially to those who need it most.  People say they value kindness, but when I look at the state of our country and communities I wonder how committed we are to it.  I walk the halls and am in class with students all day.  I have seen the looks and the mean giggles towards some students that a few have thought it was funny to give.  How it breaks my heart.  The ones they are laughing at need acceptance, but may not know how to ask for it. 2.  Teach your child to stand up for those weaker than the...

Today is a happy day  It's Hopson's birthday.  He's 29...again.  He's off with Harry & Henry hunting in Clarksdale.  It's his birthday & I want him to do what he loves.  I think he would really love it if it were warm outside so he could sit on the porch at the lake during the gloaming .  It's his favorite time of day.  He would be drinking a beer & playing Rummikub with the fam.  There would be love, lots of laughter & me getting eaten by mosquitoes.  For his birthday I didn't spend any money.  It's one of the things he always wants.  Hopson works hard for our fam & he is the best builder, fixer, ski instructor (water & snow) & manliness passer oner around.  I did get a chuckle at his expense the other night.  He loves to brag about how he still gets carded.  We had a Costco date, and as we were checking out, the wine he was purchasing was scanned right over the bar-code reader &...

Can I tell you how upset , frustrated , angry I am?  I am tired of adults, men and women, having children they are not willing to take care of.  I don't care about the circumstances you had your children under, what I care about is that you man-up and take care of them.  It's time for you to stop saying you want to be an adult and just act like one. I was reading an article online  about the surprising number of children who are at risk from toxic stress.  They are saying this stress can "change the brain and it can interfere with learning and lead to disease in adulthood".  This is not normal stress:  homework, activities & school.  This is children seeing and experiencing things a lot of adults haven't been through.  The numbers listed in the article are staggering.   Here's what they say & this is directly quoted from the article: More than 1 in 4 U.S. kids experience a serious traumatic event by the age of 16, includin...

I even asked nicely.  I have sacrifices I need to make.  Just kidding.  In case you didn't know, I'm allergic to alcohol.  Yes, it includes all kinds of alcohol.  Even if it's clear without sulfides I will have a reaction.  It's really pretty.  Think temporary hives & swelling.  Yeah, it's great. Last night I went out to dinner with a group of girlfriends.  It was hot & humid...duh, it's summer in Alabama.  My hair was exceptionally big, but that's another story.  I asked my waiter if I could have a virgin margarita.  It's a limeade with salt, but hey, I was in the mood for it.  It was so pretty when he brought it out.  It was limey & I really wanted to use the glass as a salt lick, but decided to use my manners instead. The first sip was so refreshing.  After about 3 sips, I started wondering if there was some alcohol in the drink.  I was starting to laugh a little  more, and I noti...

Time, ugh.  I picked up E's senior pictures today  & then I started looking through pictures trying to find one of Elizabeth when she was little & found a bunch when all of mine were small.  I don't remember them growing so quickly.  I know didn't want them to grow up quite so fast & I think a small part of me has changed my mind.  There is a little piece that misses the crazy schedule and all the teaching moments ahead.  It seems they were all here & now most of them are gone.  It's funny because this is how I still see them, not how they are today.  I'll be ok...maybe the next time I see a screaming toddler, or a child that has projectile vomiting.  It has been a great ride so far & I will appreciate every second I see all my crazy kiddos no matter how old they are. Celebrating Life, ~ashley

The "most dreaded" phrase for all children and teenagers.  There are many who feel this phrase should be not used when talking to children.  They say it's vague and authoritarian.  I had an epiphany this weekend about what 'because I said so' really means & what it should mean to our children when we say it. When parents use 'because I said so' the first thing we want you, our children, to do is to have trust that the decision we have made is in your best interest.  Sometimes we don't have time to sit down and explain every thought that went into our final decision, but we need y'all to understand we have your best interest in our hearts. We need you to know we have years  of life's experiences under our belts.  We understand that in your teenage minds you are already grown-up, but let me assure you, you are not.  Oftentimes we will consult with other adults (some older & some our peers) to get to our decision if we are vacillat...

Everyday women are amazing.  I know many people look up to celebrities, but honestly, I know regular people who are incredible mothers and professionals.  They get up everyday, grind it out, and don't expect special treatment for doing the normal.  Family and friends are the ones ordinary women lean on, because no one thinks twice about the normal.  Everyday things accomplished by a non-celebrity go unnoticed, but you have a celebrity talk about or do anything , and people lose their ever-loving-minds.  It's nuts, and pregnancy is a big one. Have you seen some of the names celebrities come up with for their kids?  Just Google it...yikes.   There are those women who love being pregnant.  Their skin glows; their hair is silky smooth; and their nails are super strong.  They can eat what ever they like and they sleep beautifully.  Yeah, I don't like those people.  Just kidding; really am just jealous.  I fell into the lucky 10% o...

I'm hard on my stuff.  I don't mean to be, but I am.  I guess I fall into the work hard/play hard category.  (or at least that's what I'm telling myself.)  It's something I didn't mean to pass onto the chicks, but I did.  Ugh, can we have anything around here that's not chipped or broken?  Feel free to giggle at the pic on the left, because it's pretty funny when you see it for the first time. Speaking of chipped or broken stuff...I have a love/hate relationship with my fitbit.  It's great because I roughly know how many steps I take a day & the amount of calories I burn.  I'm super competitive and it allows me to compete against others while making me get off my booty to do it.  At my age I need all the exercise I can get.  The muscles are not holding their tone as long as they used to, and they have to be worked pretty hard.  My first fitbit I had wouldn't keep a charge after a few months so the company sent me a replaceme...

Ugh stained sink This weekend our fam of 6 was able to spend some time together.  It's getting harder, but those moments are wonderful.  I talked to Harry earlier in the week and he wanted to know if I had some of that 'oxy stuff' that could get stains out of his shorts.  He wore them to work and got grease on them.  NOOOoooo!   Of course they are his nice shorts; and he probably tried washing and drying them to get the stains out; but set those stains right in.  Great. Oxyclean and very hot water I pulled my Oxyclean off the top of the dryer & went to my porcelain sink to soak them in very hot water, because that's supposedly how you remove grease stains.  A side note about my sink.  I think it's the original to the house.  It has seen its better days.  (I would love a copper sink, but am not willing to spend the money to get one; there is too much money going out.)  One of my children, and I won't name which one (co...

Not to brag, but (actually I am bragging here.  FYI, when someone says 'but' in the middle of a sentence, they are oftentimes contradicting themselves.) I have successfully taught three children how to drive.  Today, I begin my fourth and final journey in teaching the art of driving.  Don't kid  yourself, driving is an art.  Have you seen how half the people drive on the road?  Some of them need a few more lessons.  It's a ready and go kind of day! I used to joke that, with my brother being 7 years younger than I am, my mom just threw him the keys and made him teach himself how to drive.  Henry is 7 years younger than Hopson, and  I've been looking forward to having a chauffeur since Elizabeth turned 16.  I always have to drive everyone everywhere, so I'll be happy to sit, observe and teach from the passenger's side.  (Hopson is turning into his dad & likes me to drive him as well.)  Now I don't have to go to the groc...

We wear pink on Wednesdays. Suck.  That's right I said it.  Mean people suck.  I'm fuming right now!  My heart beating like a drum & hands shaking kind of mad.  Mean people, ugh!  I asked my friend if I could tell her story here about her encounter with some mean kids & I have her ok, but I'm changing her name. Jana is 24 weeks pregnant.  Not all of us are blessed with wonderful, glowing, easy pregnancies.  Some of us are sick and struggle through the 40 weeks of growing another human being inside our bodies.  Jana is one of these lucky few.  Did I mention she is also chasing a 2 year old around?  Talk about compounding your sickness and exhaustion. It's summer in Alabama, and if you live here you know that means hot and humid.  Add in that it's been raining a ton, which we need, but it jacks the humidity close to 100% & makes it feel even hotter.  Being comfortable while also trying to chase said toddl...

All I have ever wanted for my children is for them to be kind and generous to someone in need without wanting anything in return.  I'm willing to bet if I polled 100 people, at least 99 of you want the same for your children as well.  It's something we all want, but how many times do we not see little ways we can help others.  There is no act of service that is small because it may be big for someone else.  As parents, grandparents, and mentors we have to lead by example. What I've learned is children are not innately kind and generous.  Ever had a two year old tell you "mine!" or not willing to share toys?  Ask me how many times I broke up my kiddos arguing over who would share what toy & who hit whom.  Ever tried to ask a child/teenager to help do anything that they didn't really want to do?  (cut the grass, unload the dishwasher, fold clothes, pick up toys...does anyone out there feel me?)  Like I said, children are not innately ki...

(taken from the internet) You know, before kids I was fine.  Things were easy.  (I was thin.)  I could keep my house really clean.  I could keep up with laundry.  I could get a lot of work done in a day, and I didn't have my emotions leaking down my face on a daily basis. Did I cry at sad movies?  Yes, duh.  Steel Magnolias to 'ya, but crying at any other movie or at any other time for no apparent reason?  As if.  When I was little, I remember my mom taking us to see the Muppets take Manhattan .  At the end of the movie when Kermit & Miss. Piggy get married, my mom sat in her seat & cried.  I mean boo hoo'd.  We teased her unmercifully about it for years.  Who cries at a kid's movie?  Well, apparently, my apple didn't fall far from my mom's tree. It's gotten to the point where I can cry at the drop of a hat.  I don't mean to, I just do.  I can be in church singing a song; watching a movie...

Yeah, I wish.  Cake is easier to make, well sort of.  Ok, not for me.  For me, cake is impossible to make as well as anything that is classified as a dessert.  Did you know that stressed spelled backwards is desserts?  For me it should be desserts (that I have to cook) spell stressed. Last week Henry told me that for his French class today he needed to bring Mille-Feuille.  It's no big deal he said.  We could get it at Whole Foods he said.  Of course, I completely forgot about the M-F until yesterday when Hen reminded me about it.  Ok, no biggie.  I will call Whole Foods to make sure they have some handy & I'll pick it up & Henry can take it to school & we'll all be happy. Because I'm writing about it, you already know that Whole Foods did not have any.  As a matter of fact, they looked at me like I had grown another head when I asked them about.  The bakers at WF had no idea what I was talking about.  Mill...

I've had some really heartwarming mommy moments this last week.  One in particular I have to share. Now, I will admit that there are some songs we sing in church that I like better than others.  I like them all, but some just move my spirit.  I was in church with Elizabeth on my left & Henry on my right, and this song started to play.  It's one of my favorites!  My heart was so full, and then I looked out of my peripheral vision. My most fervent prayer is that my children would have encounters with the Living God.  I pray that He would touch them and they would know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves them and wants a relationship with them.  I pray that they will choose to follow Him all the days of their lives.  I know He is faithful, and has already given me answers to more prayers than I can count.   I look and my children are singing and worshiping and smiling.  How could my heart not be full?  How could my h...

I just wanted to jot a few words down to let you know that I'm still here.  I know I haven't written in over a month, but don't worry when I do, it's going to be a doozie. Just remember:  goats, shopping and a foreign exchange student.  Yikes! It's crazy town over here, and needless to say, I'm the mayor. Celebrating Life! ~ashley nance

Can I say that I am happy I don't have a senior in high school this year?  I am.  It's emotional and stressful, and goes by way to quickly, and emotional.  I realized all of this when Hop was a freshman in high school. I'm sitting on a somewhat toasty Monday night watching Hop play in a Freshman football game.  No one comes to the freshman football games but the freshman cheerleaders, and parents of the players and cheerleaders.  We were about half way through his season, and it hit me that I only had 3 more years to watch him...do just about anything.  I voiced it to another mom & of course I started to cry.  I mean, yesterday he was going into 1st grade to be a Hooper Trooper & now he was in high school and time was blowin' and goin'.  Time continued to speed up as each year passed, and he left the nest, and hasn't looked back since. Then Harry hits high school; a few years later Hop graduates.  Harry is a senior (I really thi...