Don't Tell Me You Love Me

There are so many who make these vows, and then quickly forget them when the difficulties of life hit the proverbial fan.  It's easy to love when the going is easy.  It's another when your slogging your way through life, marriage, and children.  I have been blessed to witness so many whose vows were a way of life.  They weren't words; they were actions.

Today I went in to get my crazy hair cut and highlighted.  I'm sitting there with my hair pulled through a cap (I look like a lionfish), bleach smothered on my hair and cap, and a clear shower cap on top.  Yeah, it's a rockin' look.  We're all talking and I look over to see an older lady shuffling towards a chair get her hair washed.

This is a common sight because there are women of all ages who come into the beauty shop.  It's what happened afterward that had me in tears.  

As she is walking, I noticed she had a belt on and her husband, a younger woman along with the hairdresser helping her into the chair to get her hair washed.  Not only did they have to help her walk and sit in the chair, I noticed that this woman looked frightened.  Her husband had both hands on her face while talking to her & gently kissing her lips as they were reclining her back to put her head in the bowl to wash her hair.  It was one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful things I have ever witnessed in my life.  He continued this reassurance the entire time she was in the chair.  

I asked Monika (my hairdresser) and Lisa about this couple & they said the woman has Alzheimer's Disease.  The only way to keep her from screaming was for her husband to be there reassuring her.  I've seen another husband who makes sure to put earrings in his wife's ears because he remembered she always wore them before she became sick.  To me, this is love.  This is for better or worse.  This is love in action.  The husband didn't have to bring his wife to get her hair done.  It would have been less stress in his day and hers, but he probably remembers a time when she enjoyed going to have her hair fixed, so he does it to hopefully spark a memory.  Maybe he does it so he can remember  a time when he would come home and notice her hair was just the way she liked it.  It doesn't matter, but it was the gesture that made me think.

I want to be for better or worse.  I want my love to be actions and tangible.   I want to be like the husband who puts his hand on his wife's face to reassure her it's all going to be ok, even when it's not or when I can't fix it.  I want to remember what it felt like when my love was new and the possibilities were endless.   

Celebrating life and love to last a lifetime,

PS ~ I know for many, marriage is not ideal or even ok.  There are things that cannot be overcome and there's no way to fix them.  I was not writing this to make anyone feel ashamed or guilty, I was writing in hopes that we all can claim a love like this couple.


  1. Marriage is hard!! I love my man through every twist and turn,up and down, and am thankful to have had him for 25 years! and I hope my husband will hold my face and reassure me should this disease take over my life. Great post!


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