A Year in the Life

Each day I check my online news feed.  Each day I see some things that disturb me to no end.  Can I say there are some very bad people out there who are maiming and killing their children in the most horrendous ways?  I don't know if the parents are mentally ill or just tired of their kids, but reading these stories day after day is breaking my mommy's heart. I know there are some out there who have children because they want someone to love them.  I've heard someone say this before, so I'm not making it up.  Anyone who has children knows that your kids do show you love, but they also can be very irritating, a pain in the booty,  difficult.  Ask a mother of a toddler, or a child you are teaching to read, or a teenager.  Yeah, the struggle is real.  What I'm really wondering is, how do these parents think hurting or killing their children was an option when they became frustrated or tired of parenting.  With 4 kids, I've been there, b...

So, I was watching the news this morning.  Of course they started talking about national politics and what members in both parties were doing, and I'm just done.  The fighting and negativity is uncalled for.  These people are supposed to be some of the smartest in our country, but in some ways the are just doltish.  Here are some things I've learned during my five years subbing & now working in my school. 1.  I don't agree with everyone's views on things, and that is ok.  What our country has lost is the ability to agree to disagree.  I may stand on the completely opposite end of the spectrum on an issue, but I'm not going to hate you for it.  That's stupid.  We can agree that we stand on different sides of the isle, and maybe we can find somewhere we agree. 2.  "You're never fully dressed without a smile." ~Annie  I love the university I graduated from.  I love it for so many different reasons, but one of the main o...

The happiest days are the days when babies come!    ~Melanie from Gone With the Wind Today is a happy day...well it really started yesterday.  Yesterday my parent's 7th grandchild was born.  My younger brother, Cotton, had his third child.  He's now in the big time.  It's interesting when you go from man on man to zone coverage.  You parents of 3+ kids know.  If there is silence, something bad is going down.  But I know that the happiest of days are the ones when babies are born. I was scrolling through my sister-in-laws pictures and loved seeing all of the ones of their older two with the new baby.  It made me think back to when all of my chicks were little.  I was fine until I saw one picture.  It is a picture that broke my heart.  I'm going to admit my selfishness upfront, right now.  It was a pic of her mom with the new baby.  I realized that it is a picture my mom and dad will never have.  An...

I recently had to talk to a child at school about her safety.  She was afraid that something bad would happen to her if someone dangerous broke into the school.  As we talked, I started really stewing about what she was telling me.  Here are my thoughts about stopping school violence.  I don't have the answer, but I know what my responsibility is as a parent. 1.  I have to teach my children to, first and foremost, be kind.  Especially to those who need it most.  People say they value kindness, but when I look at the state of our country and communities I wonder how committed we are to it.  I walk the halls and am in class with students all day.  I have seen the looks and the mean giggles towards some students that a few have thought it was funny to give.  How it breaks my heart.  The ones they are laughing at need acceptance, but may not know how to ask for it. 2.  Teach your child to stand up for those weaker than the...

And Loving... I recently started a new job.  Yes, at my age it can be a little scary, but it's been great.  Before I go forward, a little back story first... ...For the last 4 1/2 years I have been a sub in my children's school system.  (if you are a mom, love kids, and need a great way to make a little spending money, I highly recommend it.)  I loved being a sub!  I was able to be like everyone's favorite aunt.  You know the one I'm talking about.  She the one who comes in and loves you for you.  She helps you get through the have to's so you can have a little fun while your mom's not around. The way a sub enters a classroom is SO important.  You have to be confident, because it's true the children can smell fear, but you also have to be available to the kids:  available to offer an ear, extra help, smiles, a few hugs, and maybe even a little discipline in a life-giving way. We would play 4 corners if everyone finished with thei...

Today is a happy day  It's Hopson's birthday.  He's 29...again.  He's off with Harry & Henry hunting in Clarksdale.  It's his birthday & I want him to do what he loves.  I think he would really love it if it were warm outside so he could sit on the porch at the lake during the gloaming .  It's his favorite time of day.  He would be drinking a beer & playing Rummikub with the fam.  There would be love, lots of laughter & me getting eaten by mosquitoes.  For his birthday I didn't spend any money.  It's one of the things he always wants.  Hopson works hard for our fam & he is the best builder, fixer, ski instructor (water & snow) & manliness passer oner around.  I did get a chuckle at his expense the other night.  He loves to brag about how he still gets carded.  We had a Costco date, and as we were checking out, the wine he was purchasing was scanned right over the bar-code reader &...

It is called soul food for a reason & I have my own definition too.  To me, soul food is feel good food.  It reminds me of my grandmother's & mother's kitchens.   Old school southern cooks are some of the best around.  Do you think they worry about fat, sodium, or calories?  Um, no.  No they don't.  They want you to leave full and happy.  The biggest insult to a soul food cook is for you to leave hungry.  If you want bland, soul food is not for you.  Anyway, who wants bland?  Not I, said the pig.  In case some of you are not from the deep south & wonder what in the world is soul food, I found a great website that describes what it is .  I love the line that says:  "...all soul food is southern food, but not all southern food is soul food".  Amen to that.  If you've never eaten soul food, I'm so sorry.  It's homemade with heaps of love, so you an have happiness on your plate.  I...

Ok, I have a new recipe for y'all & I'm so EXCITED.  I know that I should post it on a Measure of Joy, but I haven't posted anything on there since 2013.  Wait, what?  That's 4 years.  Yikes!  I'll post it there too.  OMG. It has finally cooled down from the raging summer we had this year.  We had a few weeks of cooler weather in, I think, early September, but that was a joke.  It happens to us every year.  We have a cooler spell for about 2 weeks & we think fall is here!  Then we act shocked when it shoots back into the 90's or high 80's until November.  (there's usually humidity that goes with it and makes it feel like you're walking around with a wet towel on your head.) With the cooler weather brings, for me, soup season.  My people are sick of the same old soups though.  Chili, a southern staple.  We also have wonderful variations of white chicken chili and taco soup.  I make beer cheese soup, ve...

 A friend from grade school was going through old pictures and found a picture of the house I grew up in.  I have wonderful memories from that home.  We played football in the front yard, swam in the pool, built homecoming signs, and watched movies and the 1984 Olympics.  My parents let me invite the entire 8th grade over to swim the day we officially became 9th graders.  That house is filled with laughter.    My parents didn't care about your background.  They didn't care what kind of home you came from.  They wanted you to feel loved and accepted when you came over to our house.  It was a house that love built.  It's funny looking back.  You think that some kids have it all together just to find out they saw themselves as misfits.  I was always the one who felt like I was on the fringe.  Not cool, not as smart as I wanted to be, not a lot of things.  I wonder how many other kids felt & feel like that to...

Can I tell you how upset , frustrated , angry I am?  I am tired of adults, men and women, having children they are not willing to take care of.  I don't care about the circumstances you had your children under, what I care about is that you man-up and take care of them.  It's time for you to stop saying you want to be an adult and just act like one. I was reading an article online  about the surprising number of children who are at risk from toxic stress.  They are saying this stress can "change the brain and it can interfere with learning and lead to disease in adulthood".  This is not normal stress:  homework, activities & school.  This is children seeing and experiencing things a lot of adults haven't been through.  The numbers listed in the article are staggering.   Here's what they say & this is directly quoted from the article: More than 1 in 4 U.S. kids experience a serious traumatic event by the age of 16, includin...

There are so many who make these vows, and then quickly forget them when the difficulties of life hit the proverbial fan.  It's easy to love when the going is easy.  It's another when your slogging your way through life, marriage, and children.  I have been blessed to witness so many whose vows were a way of life.  They weren't words; they were actions. Today I went in to get my crazy hair cut and highlighted.  I'm sitting there with my hair pulled through a cap (I look like a lionfish), bleach smothered on my hair and cap, and a clear shower cap on top.  Yeah, it's a rockin' look.  We're all talking and I look over to see an older lady shuffling towards a chair get her hair washed. This is a common sight because there are women of all ages who come into the beauty shop.  It's what happened afterward that had me in tears.   As she is walking, I noticed she had a belt on and her husband, a younger woman along with the hairdresser hel...

and I think I have OCD. The older I get the more I like things 'just so'.  Well, maybe a little more than just so.   I had to run to the grocery store to get some noodles for tonight's dinner, because of course I forgot to get them yesterday when I went to the grocery store.  The joys of getting older & speed grocery.  We have a grocery store that has smaller carts that I have fallen in love with.  I only have two chicks at home, so I don't need a ginormous cart anymore.  This isn't so much about the carts themselves but about the cart return areas.  One a side note, I'll admit I'm somewhat lazy.  I don't park my car closest to the door to the grocery store, I park by the cart return.  It's also a habit.  Ever tried loading four littles into the car, putting all your groceries in the car & then returning the cart before your children die from a heat stroke & everything frozen melts?  Good times.  The way ...

I even asked nicely.  I have sacrifices I need to make.  Just kidding.  In case you didn't know, I'm allergic to alcohol.  Yes, it includes all kinds of alcohol.  Even if it's clear without sulfides I will have a reaction.  It's really pretty.  Think temporary hives & swelling.  Yeah, it's great. Last night I went out to dinner with a group of girlfriends.  It was hot & humid...duh, it's summer in Alabama.  My hair was exceptionally big, but that's another story.  I asked my waiter if I could have a virgin margarita.  It's a limeade with salt, but hey, I was in the mood for it.  It was so pretty when he brought it out.  It was limey & I really wanted to use the glass as a salt lick, but decided to use my manners instead. The first sip was so refreshing.  After about 3 sips, I started wondering if there was some alcohol in the drink.  I was starting to laugh a little  more, and I noti...

Time, ugh.  I picked up E's senior pictures today  & then I started looking through pictures trying to find one of Elizabeth when she was little & found a bunch when all of mine were small.  I don't remember them growing so quickly.  I know didn't want them to grow up quite so fast & I think a small part of me has changed my mind.  There is a little piece that misses the crazy schedule and all the teaching moments ahead.  It seems they were all here & now most of them are gone.  It's funny because this is how I still see them, not how they are today.  I'll be ok...maybe the next time I see a screaming toddler, or a child that has projectile vomiting.  It has been a great ride so far & I will appreciate every second I see all my crazy kiddos no matter how old they are. Celebrating Life, ~ashley

The "most dreaded" phrase for all children and teenagers.  There are many who feel this phrase should be not used when talking to children.  They say it's vague and authoritarian.  I had an epiphany this weekend about what 'because I said so' really means & what it should mean to our children when we say it. When parents use 'because I said so' the first thing we want you, our children, to do is to have trust that the decision we have made is in your best interest.  Sometimes we don't have time to sit down and explain every thought that went into our final decision, but we need y'all to understand we have your best interest in our hearts. We need you to know we have years  of life's experiences under our belts.  We understand that in your teenage minds you are already grown-up, but let me assure you, you are not.  Oftentimes we will consult with other adults (some older & some our peers) to get to our decision if we are vacillat...

Everyday women are amazing.  I know many people look up to celebrities, but honestly, I know regular people who are incredible mothers and professionals.  They get up everyday, grind it out, and don't expect special treatment for doing the normal.  Family and friends are the ones ordinary women lean on, because no one thinks twice about the normal.  Everyday things accomplished by a non-celebrity go unnoticed, but you have a celebrity talk about or do anything , and people lose their ever-loving-minds.  It's nuts, and pregnancy is a big one. Have you seen some of the names celebrities come up with for their kids?  Just Google it...yikes.   There are those women who love being pregnant.  Their skin glows; their hair is silky smooth; and their nails are super strong.  They can eat what ever they like and they sleep beautifully.  Yeah, I don't like those people.  Just kidding; really am just jealous.  I fell into the lucky 10% o...

dance /dans/ verb 1 . move rhythmically to music, typically following a set sequence of steps. "their cheeks were pressed together as they danced" synonyms: sway ,  trip ,  twirl ,  whirl ,  pirouette ,  gyrate ;  More 2 . (of a person) move in a quick and lively way. "Sheila danced in gaily" synonyms: caper ,  cavort ,  frisk ,  frolic ,  skip ,  prance ,  gambol ,  jig ;  More noun 1 . a series of movements that match the speed and rhythm of a piece of music. I grew up dancing.  There is something about telling a story through movement and music that is cathartic and beautiful.  The story is told from the dancer's finger tips to the end of their toes.  Dancing requires core strength, bursts of power and balance.  Like all g...

I'm hard on my stuff.  I don't mean to be, but I am.  I guess I fall into the work hard/play hard category.  (or at least that's what I'm telling myself.)  It's something I didn't mean to pass onto the chicks, but I did.  Ugh, can we have anything around here that's not chipped or broken?  Feel free to giggle at the pic on the left, because it's pretty funny when you see it for the first time. Speaking of chipped or broken stuff...I have a love/hate relationship with my fitbit.  It's great because I roughly know how many steps I take a day & the amount of calories I burn.  I'm super competitive and it allows me to compete against others while making me get off my booty to do it.  At my age I need all the exercise I can get.  The muscles are not holding their tone as long as they used to, and they have to be worked pretty hard.  My first fitbit I had wouldn't keep a charge after a few months so the company sent me a replaceme...

Ugh stained sink This weekend our fam of 6 was able to spend some time together.  It's getting harder, but those moments are wonderful.  I talked to Harry earlier in the week and he wanted to know if I had some of that 'oxy stuff' that could get stains out of his shorts.  He wore them to work and got grease on them.  NOOOoooo!   Of course they are his nice shorts; and he probably tried washing and drying them to get the stains out; but set those stains right in.  Great. Oxyclean and very hot water I pulled my Oxyclean off the top of the dryer & went to my porcelain sink to soak them in very hot water, because that's supposedly how you remove grease stains.  A side note about my sink.  I think it's the original to the house.  It has seen its better days.  (I would love a copper sink, but am not willing to spend the money to get one; there is too much money going out.)  One of my children, and I won't name which one (co...